The Italian who went to Malta

(must be read with an italian accent)

One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna piss onna may plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch...!?

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tells him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "PEACE ON YOU". I say "PISS ON YOU TOO". You sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy .